✍️ Both Sides of Yes

Why You're Arguing the Wrong Thing

Both sides have interests. Almost nobody talks about them.

Thursday Short — Both Sides of Yes | April 2026

The name of this publication comes from a negotiation principle most people know exists and almost nobody uses.

Roger Fisher and William Ury spent years at the Harvard Negotiation Project studying why smart, prepared people fail to reach agreements they should reach. Their conclusion, published in Getting to Yes (1981), is blunt: the problem isn't strategy. It's that both sides stop thinking and start defending.

They called it positional bargaining. You know it as every negotiation you've ever watched go sideways.

What’s the difference between a position and an interest?

A position is what someone demands. An interest is why they demand it, and that gap is where every deal hides. The vendor who says the price is non-negotiable wants predictable cash flow, and full price is only one of three ways to give it to him. The client who says the investment is too high is telling you he doesn’t want to feel foolish in six months. That’s a trust problem.

A position is what someone demands. An interest is why they demand it.

A vendor says the price is non-negotiable. Their real interest is predictable cash flow. There are three ways to solve that problem — and only one of them is called full price.

A staff member asks for more money. Their real interest is control over their schedule, or recognition, or certainty they have a future here. Those are different problems with different solutions.

A prospective client says the investment is too high. Their real interest is not feeling foolish about a decision in six months. That's a trust problem, not a price problem.

When you argue positions, you get a standoff. When you surface interests, you almost always find room.

Why do you need a walkaway option before you walk in?

Because without one you negotiate scared. Fisher and Ury called it BATNA, your Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement, and the timing is the whole point: you decide it before the room, never during. Skip it and the gap shows up as anxiety, anxiety buys concessions, and concessions cost you the position you walked in with. Chris Voss puts it another way. Whoever is calmest runs the conversation.

Fisher and Ury introduced one other idea that changed how I run every difficult conversation: BATNA — Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement.

Know your walkaway option before you walk in the room. Not during. Before.

Most business owners skip this step. They enter pricing conversations, hiring discussions, and partnership deals without knowing what they'll do if it falls through. That information gap creates anxiety. Anxiety creates concessions. Concessions destroy positioning.

Chris Voss, former FBI hostage negotiator and author of Never Split the Difference (2016), confirms this from a different angle: the person with the most emotional calm controls the conversation. BATNA gives you that calm. It's a decision you make before the negotiation starts — not a tactic you deploy during it.

Why is positional bargaining a decision psychology problem?

Because loss aversion turns a position into an identity. Kahneman’s work explains the pull: we overweight what we might lose, so giving up a stated demand feels like giving up ground. It isn’t. Underneath, both parties have interests, and interests are almost always compatible. Most conflicts aren’t conflicts at all. They’re two people defending positions when they could be solving one shared problem.

Daniel Kahneman's research on loss aversion (Thinking, Fast and Slow, 2011) explains why positional bargaining feels necessary: we overweight what we might lose. Positions become identity. Walking away from a position feels like losing something.

It isn't. It's discovering that both parties have interests. And interests are almost always compatible.

That's what "both sides of yes" means. Not that everyone wins at the expense of reality. It means that most conflicts aren't actually conflicts — they're two people protecting positions when they could be solving a shared problem.

Before your next hard conversation, write down two things:

1. What is my position? (What I'm asking for)
2. What is my interest? (What I actually need to walk away satisfied)

Then ask the same questions about the other side.

The negotiation starts there. Not at the table.

Use the 5-Step Decision Checklist before any high-stakes conversation — it's free: [link]

Post metadata


Subscribe on Substack →

About the Author

Dr. Greg Moody is an engineer, therapist and business owner. He started his career as an aerospace engineer and earned a bachelor's in engineering, a master's in counseling and a Ph.D. in education, all from Arizona State University. Since then he has added educator, marketing consultant, publisher and business coach to the list (some people collect stamps... he seems to collect hats). He has trained in martial arts for nearly four decades and has owned and run martial arts schools for over thirty years, teaching more than 18,000 students as a Chief Master Instructor and 8th Degree Black Belt (and no, he doesn't make anyone wax his car). He has written 20 books (so far). His work with business owners covers decisions under pressure, leadership and practical marketing, and personal and business growth (mostly the decisions everyone already knows they need to make... and keeps putting off). He lives in Chandler, Arizona (it's a dry heat... that doesn't help).

How I Make This

The ideas, the arguments, content (especially content) and the examples here are 100% mine. Over thirty years of running martial arts schools, an engineering career (yes rocket scientist jokes are in here), a psychotherapy practice, and the business owners I work with now (four different rooms, same B.S. excuses). I decide what a piece says before a word of it gets written.

AI is in the drafting. I rewrite every thing it gives back. I've corrected this thing more times than any brown belt I ever promoted. Every study I cite is real and cited in APA format (leftover nerdiness from school) so you can go check it. Every number from my businesses is a real number, counted every day (unlike 99% of businesses).

Every position in it is mine... unless you find an error - then it's Skynet.

This is the expanded reference edition, with the full framework and sources. A shorter version first appeared on Both Sides of Yes on Substack.