Enrollment · Leadership & BBC

The Student Who Struggles Is Exactly Who Leadership Is For

How to qualify a struggling student for Leadership — and recommend it to the parents without ever looking like you only want the money. The answer is in how you qualify, and in how you measure results.

The question comes up constantly. You have a nine-year-old who would be great in Leadership, but every week he screws up somehow — misbehaves at school, forgets his uniform, gets in trouble at home. So how do you talk to his parents about how well he's doing, and how he's ready for your Leadership or BBC program, without looking like you're only interested in more money?

Here is the first thing. If you can say he "would be great in Leadership," you just answered your own question. That is the qualification, right there. Read it back to yourself.

What should you actually qualify a struggling student on?

Three things, and only three. Attendance: is he showing up? Attitude on the floor, not at home. And parent support. Talent isn't on the list. Neither is behavior at school or whether he remembered his uniform. When recommending Leadership feels like a money grab, it's almost always because you're weighing the wrong evidence.

The reason this feels like a money grab is that you're qualifying him on the wrong things. You're weighing his talent and his behavior at home and at school. Neither one is the test.

We qualify on three things, and only three:

Attendance

Is he showing up?

Attitude

And that means on the floor, in class — not at home. Is he good when he's with you? If you'd put him in Leadership, you already know he is.

Parent support

Are the parents in this with you?

That's the whole list. Not talent. Not whether he remembered his uniform. Not whether he had a rough week at school. A nine-year-old who forgets his gear and gets in trouble is not a disqualified student — he is the exact student the program was built for.

How do you measure results in a martial arts school?

Not on who you exclude. The KarateBuilt Charter says it directly: “We measure results based not on who we exclude but on students’ constant growth from the moment they start to Black Belt and Beyond.” Staff carry it on a metal card. That one sentence is what lets an instructor recommend Leadership for a difficult kid without flinching, because growth is the metric, not this week’s behavior.

At my school, the staff understand this because they live by the KarateBuilt Charter. Every one of them carries it on a metal card in their wallet:

The KarateBuilt Charter
KarateBuilt is a highly disciplined martial arts school. We measure results based not on who we exclude but on students' constant growth from the moment they start to Black Belt and Beyond. KarateBuilt Black Belts take responsibility to lead with integrity.

The middle sentence is the one that matters. We measure results not on who we exclude, but on students' constant growth from the moment they start to Black Belt and Beyond. The forgetting, the misbehaving, the trouble at home — that is not the reason to hold him back. It is the reason to move him forward. Leadership and BBC are the training vehicles built to improve exactly those things — focus, responsibility, follow-through — in class, at school, at home, in life. Recommending it isn't selling up. Withholding it would be the failure.

How do you run the parent conversation?

In three frames. Past: where he was the day he walked in, and what the parents said they wanted for him. Present: who he is on the floor now, and the improvements they can already name. Future: what happens if he keeps going. Parents can almost always point to something that has gotten better, even while he is still misbehaving. Start there.

Run the parent conversation in three frames. (There's also a video where I've gone over this in detail if you want to look it up.)

Past

Where he was the day he walked in your doors, and what the parents told you they wanted for him.

Present

Who he is on the floor today, and the improvements they've already seen in the weeks he's been training. He may still be misbehaving, but parents can almost always name a few things that have gotten better — point to those.

Future

Have them picture it: what if he keeps this progress all the way to Black Belt… then to 2nd Degree Black Belt… and carries it into adulthood? How much of a difference would that make? Then flip it, and have them picture what happens if he doesn't. Ask them: do you know an adult who never built real discipline — or focus, or follow-through? We all do, and we can all see what it cost them. Now the parent feels both sides — the payoff of progress and the price of stopping.

That is what Leadership builds from here: the focus to remember his own gear, the discipline to follow through, the responsibility to lead instead of react. You're not telling the parents their kid is perfect. You're telling them you see exactly where he is, that he's already made some progress, and that you have the next strategy to take him there — not just "fixed," but to an incredible new future.

What do you say when parents hesitate?

Run the 3 Cs. Confirm their concern back in their own words. Connect by naming the hesitation out loud so it stops running the conversation from underneath. Continue by moving forward instead of relitigating. It isn't a stall tactic. It's how you acknowledge the anxiety without letting it make the decision.

If they hesitate — cost, "is he really ready," any of it — run the 3 C's:

Confirm

Say their concern back in their own words. "You came in because he struggles to focus and follow through."

Connect

Name the hesitation out loud. "A decision like this is uncomfortable. That's normal, and it has nothing to do with whether it's the right call for him."

Continue

Move forward, not back. "Let me show you what the first ninety days of Leadership build."

The 3 C's are not a stall. They acknowledge the anxiety so it stops running the conversation from underneath, then walk you back into the close.

Get your own head right first

Get your own head right first. If you measure yourself by this boy's growth instead of his behavior this week, recommending Leadership stops feeling like a sale and starts feeling like the job. Because it is.

— Chief Master Greg Moody, Ph.D.

Want this on one page for your staff? The printable handout has the qualify on three things and the the parent conversation: three frames.

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About the Author

Dr. Greg Moody is an engineer, therapist and business owner. He started his career as an aerospace engineer and earned a bachelor's in engineering, a master's in counseling and a Ph.D. in education, all from Arizona State University. Since then he has added educator, marketing consultant, publisher and business coach to the list (some people collect stamps... he seems to collect hats). He has trained in martial arts for nearly four decades and has owned and run martial arts schools for over thirty years, teaching more than 18,000 students as a Chief Master Instructor and 8th Degree Black Belt (and no, he doesn't make anyone wax his car). He has written 20 books (so far). His work with business owners covers decisions under pressure, leadership and practical marketing, and personal and business growth (mostly the decisions everyone already knows they need to make... and keeps putting off). He lives in Chandler, Arizona (it's a dry heat... that doesn't help).

How I Make This

The ideas, the arguments, content (especially content) and the examples here are 100% mine. Over thirty years of running martial arts schools, an engineering career (yes rocket scientist jokes are in here), a psychotherapy practice, and the business owners I work with now (four different rooms, same B.S. excuses). I decide what a piece says before a word of it gets written.

AI is in the drafting. I rewrite every thing it gives back. I've corrected this thing more times than any brown belt I ever promoted. Every study I cite is real and cited in APA format (leftover nerdiness from school) so you can go check it. Every number from my businesses is a real number, counted every day (unlike 99% of businesses).

Every position in it is mine... unless you find an error - then it's Skynet.

This is the expanded reference edition, with the full framework and sources. A shorter version first appeared on today.mastermoody.com.